PVSpeech v3.0

I rescued it from Google caches.

PVLC Inside Jokes
1. mus/moose
2. anas
3. "That's Pine View Latin Club!"
4. boy bits (like bacon bits...NOT what you're thinking)
5. matching (as in, ERICH ISN'T)
6. "Toga, Toga!"
7. iron
8. gladiators (not quite sure whether this is related to iron or something else...most of this list was written on May 3)
9. 1812 Overture
10. moose-boy
11. Erich (just in general)
12. Pissed off Donald Duck
13. "Florida!" chant (last year's state kids have agreed that this one is funnier unexplained, so nobody ask for backstory)
14. Chapter 18, Paragraph 3, Section 4
15. Elevator of Infinite Gaulkes
16. Saxum!
17. LMS
18. frolicking goat
19. team carriers
20. Pong (and the sound effects thereof)
21. Gesundheit!
22. St. Stephens Nazi lady (think dark and stormy night...)
23. Bubble Gum Man! (my hero)
24. alter egos (particularly Jesus Kasey)
25. Pompeia (my personal alter ego)
26. women and togas (BWAHAHAHAAA)
27. puzzles
28. staring at random objects
29. throwing grass at Erich
30. pimp Erich
31. sketchpads in coats
32. Erich's ninja skillz (not SKILLS...SKILLZ)
33. listing random diseases (e.g. Avian Bird Flu, Thatcher)
34. Princess Petunia
35. forcefield ("It's very dramatic")
36. Erich's girly sounding roommates ("some people you don't know")
37. Gross Venor
38. fourteen donuts
39. geek glasses
40. hawk-eagle
41. Patrick for Parliamentarian
42. hill (we think this refers to our flatland outside the portable)
43. weird blue devil guy
44. phone booth photos
45. gladiatorial matches to settle disputes (I, uh, don't remember how this one started)
46. coffee pot pizza cooking
47. kicking Ethan (I have no idea what this one is) Edit 9/3/05: Hillary explained it!
48. panus (companion)
49. Legolas becomes a guy with pants
50. puerus
51. sinister
52. "Can I help him yet?"
53. Croulke
54. Kasey's abduction
55. spitting off the 19th floor
56. "I'll kill you later."
57. "I am Spartacus!"
58. magic spear
59. "That's attractive."
60. demon elevator
61. people in togas are conspiring against me
62. vestibule
63. manipulus
64. "NOOOO!"
65. two-year-old Sunkist
66. throwing quarters on the balcony
67. snorting milk out your nose (or possibly Coke)
68. hard, Christian rock
69. Erich and the Argonauts (mox)
70. Dudley wears many voluptuous hats
71. K-nowledge Check
72. Big Brother is watching you
73. paper airplanes
Edit 9/1/05:
74. human claw
Edit 9/3/05:
75. Oops
76. sexume
Edit 9/5/05:
77. meaningful
78. counting shirts
Edit 9/8/05:
79. elephants
80. headless chicken
81. yee-ha
Edit 9/19/05:
82. jump-roping Caesar
83. large, manly bodies
Edit 9/26/05:
84. Anna Claram occidit.
Edit 10/22/05:
85. Tuus VULTUS!
86. fluctus
87. Servius Tullius
Edit 11/1/05:
88. lucky Coke bottles
89. aluminium
90. Cardine
91. Anime Josh
Edit 12/13/05:
92. mandibles (Josh edit: came from maniples.) (Josh double edit: Or as Erich would say, "My nipples.") (Mary edit: Actually "Mah nipples." Which is funnier. And if you edit this again I'll smite you. But not really.) (Josh edit: If anything, you'll hinder, not smite, me.) (Mary edit: Uh...SHUT UP!) (Josh edit: WIN)
93. magicus stilus
94. incendus
95. possessus
96. I'll hinder you!
Edit 1/8/06:
97. Oh, score!
98. The Amazing Bone
99. Moose spirit
100. Those aren't children's books...
101. She's from Pine View too!
Edit 1/9/06:
102. Are you salting the popcorn so it will never grow again?
103. "Today is the day that I will forever crush the rumor that I am intelligent." (Gaulke edit: Who added this? You crazy people.) (Josh edit: If I could use all the characters on this keyboard to create the Thatcher face, I would.) (Gaulke edit: I don't even know what to say, but I felt the need to start Edit War II.)
Edit 1/10/06:
104. Emo Tears of Blood and Ketchup
105. How did they get to Madagascar?
106. You guys talking about Pee Wee?
Edit 1/11/06:
107. Virginia (death match) Certamen
108. Iron Fist of Righteousness
Edit 1/20/06:
109. bottlecaps
110. black liar
Edit 1/22/06:
111. Christ is with us, and He is in Latin III.
Edit 1/26/06:

112. proboscis
Edit 2/7/06:
113. Let's expand; Let's expand further; Let's expand further still!
114. man-cup
Edit 2/22/06:
115. sandwiches
116. "I'm going home and getting drunk!"
117. "Does that mean cars aren't allowed on the Interstate?"
118. stalkers
119. "Oh, suite! 'Cause I was thinking 'delicious.'"
Edit 2/27/06:
120. Syphilis. Discuss. (How did we go without this one for so long?)
121. Sexy troll legs (Again, is it possible?)
Edit 3/15/06:
122. And in 9 AD, the Romans had one of the worst wars of their existence; they faced The Fonz.
Edit 4/2/06:
123. Why Men Die Young: The Other Purpose of the Y Chromosome
124. I <3 Sean Offer!
125. Go bananas! (Alternately, and I'll quote here, "BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE.")
126. "Our room doesn't exist!"
127. PWNED by the Chair!
128. "Quid est tuum signum?" ("Yeah, I have to sign for that! And here's my number...")
129. What did Jesus say when he crossed the Rubicon?
130. "Hey guys, am I wearing socks?"
131. Man-candy! (YOU KNOW WHO.)
Edit 4/3/06:
132. "...Three nipples?"
Edit 4/23/06:
133. As a woman!
Edit 5/29/06:
134. African popcorn
135. "I can resist anything but temptation"
136. ALLIGATOR
137. PARTY IN THE BOX ROOM!
Edit 8/29/06:
138. Memnon, his father Agamemnon, and his grandfather Agaagamemnon
Edit 2/18/07:
139. The baby is staring at me with its soulless eyes!
140. The selling of the bake.
141. Mitchell of Zemir
Edit 2/28/07:
142. the vent
Edit 3/10/07:
143. Stickopotamus
Edit 4/12/07:
144. Everybody hates forklifts.
145. "Oh, great, Pyramid Head is coming."
Epic States Edit 4/15/07:
146. The Tug Room ("It was anticlimactic." "Go into the Tug Room, that'll be climactic!" "Only if you come with us.")
147. Everyone is ordained
148. "Oh, we slept together one weekend." *pause* "No, he wishes."
149. Offergraphs
150. This is madness! THIS IS PINE VIEW!
151. Attack of the panties
152. Stowaways/Seeing-Eye Gaulkosaur
153. I'M NOT A STALKER
154. "Hi, I just wanted a cup of water."
155. "Guys, it's his turn to approach us."
156. "MARY GAULKE WANTS TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!"
157. Diabetes
158. Tetrahedra
159. Jolene
160. "Dr. Ripken is a woman!"
161. Helen Keller; Hiroshima - 1945; Berlin - 1945; Vietnam War Memorial; Adolf Hitler; Touchy-Feely; Sean Offer is the trump card
162. "This may be the end of states, but the game will last forever."
163. Believe in God Spray
164. Impromptu Spartacus
165. Jump, shake your booty/Quid est tuum signum? (Again.)
166. Raving to the McDonald's cashier's cell phone
167. Goffard: "May I come to your wedding?" Mary: "Yeah, would you like to give me away?" Goffard: "No, your father can do that. I just want to sip champagne."
168. "It's not SEAN OFFER!" *Sean Offer rounds corner*
169. The Box Room II
170. "Everyone say 'helipad'!"
171. Breadstick Fairy
Post-States Era Edit (5/08/2007)
172. CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE
173. The Snakes have landed. God save us all.
174. SSSSSSLOSSSHHHHH!
175. Papper.
176. The rape room ("I'LL JUST LIE ON THE MATTRESS WITH THE SHEET OVER MY HEAD AND WAIT." -Taylor)

#47) [since Mary didn't know what it was about]

Outside out pathetic little rooms, Kasey and Ethan decided to have a ninja fight [a fake one where they don't hit anyone] but then it escalated into a kick boxing fight. They were each kicking the other from the waist down. Then other people joined in the fun. ^_^ I think Erich did and he tried to kick Ethan. Ethan is pretty good at evasive maneuvers. Then I decided to try my luck. I think we went easy on me since I'm a girl but I managed to kick him a few times. By the end of the whole thing we were all laughing and Ethan's pants were just about falling down.

Ah... Puzzles.

When Mary, Vic, Abbey, and Erich did their Caesar project, as an interview with Caesar's wives, Abbey mentioned that her character was accused of having an affair with... Somebody I can't remember right now (I'd get my workbook, but I'm lazy ) Anyway, the wording was "he thought I was doing something", so Mary, whose character was the greatest ditz ever, goes off and says: "Like puzzles?"

Vic leaned over and explained it. The expression was excellent.

Oh! Somebody add 'Meaningful' to the list while we're here, unless I missed it. She used the word meaningful in that video as often as that girl on the Disney promotional tape changed shirts.

Big Brother is watching you? Easy; I was the one that originally said it.

Anybody who can use Wikipedia will be able to look up 'Big Brother' and find that he is an entity of some sort from George Orwell's 1984, which is actually one of my favourite books. To say 'Big Brother is watching' implies that you are being watched by some outside, intrusive force.

In the case of Orwell, Big Brother could watch the people of London via telescreens, which would relay any unorthodox behaviour that needed to be... eliminated.

In the case of Latin Club, it's even creepier.

First year at States, we all went about our business perfectly normally, laughing and joking and making complete asses of ourselves and scaring all the other schools. We didn't notice anything wrong aside from the fact that were at a Latin competition, which is effectively an Ancient Languages Nerd Con, cosplay included. Well, we hung out and did our thing and all that, yeah? Come the third day, when they show this video of the competition with footage that was taken during our testing, the officer's meeting, and the various competitions throughout the day.

We came to a horrifying realization; there had been no visible cameras at any time throughout the competition. They might have been hijacked security footage, but those cameras are on the ceiling, and these were straight shots, slightly elevated shots, good-quality shots; no ceiling-security-camera-crap-shots.

So where were these cameras? And how much of what we did were they really filming? Would a helicopter come in and shoot us down for being unorthodox because we used -mus instead of -mini on the back of our shirts? Would we be taken to Room 101 where we would be subjected to our greatest fear? Were they watching only the interior of the third floor of the hotel, or did they go outside? At the pools? In our very rooms? How much had they seen? Were they recording footage via the television, and did that mean the had a tape of my Power Rangers in a Nutshell act?

THE HORRORS!!

Obviously, Big Brother runs the Latin competitions. And he is watching.

Also -- I dunno about the rest of you -- I spent a fair amount of the last competition actively searching out these cameras, now that I knew they would be videotaping us and later showing us a spliced video of what went down during the competition. I came to the same heart-stopping realization; there were no cameras.

But I do not fear last year as I fear the year before; we were in another hotel. They couldn't get any embarassing footage from that. How can I be so sure they didn't rig that hotel? Let's be honest; if you had footage of Omri saying "Am I wearing socks?", you'd so show it off.

Oh! We're missing the elephants!

This was actually back two years ago, when third-year Latin geeks were in Latin I. Magister Goffard was telling us about the second Punic war, when Hannibal crossed over with the elephants. He had the best little demonstration of what happened:

M. GOFFARD: "And then, Hannibal came down across the mountains on the elephants."
* He makes a loud, 'pounding' sound and looks angry. *
M. GOFFARD: "And the Romans, they would jump out with their shields and swords in front of the elephants."
* He crouches slightly, looking 'serious', and pretends to hold a shield and sword. *
M. GOFFARD: "But the elephants keep coming, and the Romans, they keep standing, until-"
* He makes a really funny 'splat' sound effect. *
M. GOFFARD: "But the Romans, ah, they got an idea. So they take out their bow and area, and when the elephants come charging-"
* He makes the loud 'charging' sound again.*
M. GOFFARD: "-they step to the side, pull back, and shoot. And the rider goes down, and then the poor elephant, he is so confused. And that's how the Romans win the second Punic War!"

Good times, good times...

And while we're on Latin I, put in the 'headless chicken', too.

For that one, Sofi and... Somebody else, I can't recall who... Were instructed to go over and close one of the windows of the portable (we had a different portable at the time - it faced an entirely different direction, was slightly shorter, and had huge, clear windows that we could look out and see the lake from). The two girls approached it like you would a school bus window - you know how slowly those slide down. Much to their surprise, it simply slammed down into the sill. Everybody looked over, and Goffard - with fifteen minutes of class left - began explaining that the window was a perfect example of the guillotine.

He went on to say that, back in the day, guillotines had flat blades (like the window), and because of this they didn't cut exactly the first time, so they to mash the blade down before finally severing the head (at this, almost everybody was just staring at him, but at the least I was laughing hysterically to myself). He said this is why the blade was cut at a slant - so it made a nice, swift slash, without any of the mess from before.

He sat down and shook his head, and somebody mentioned that chickens could remain 'undead' after getting their heads chopped off. To this, he responded: "Like my duck." Everybody looked at him, but of course he declined to speak about it immediately, shaking his head again and saying "Ah, you don't want to know about my duck!" Of course we did. We all told him so. So he sat back and told us the story of his duck.

Apparently, when he was still French, they had a duck, and his mother told him one day to go off and kill it ('cuz, you know, people eat roast duck). So he went out, with the cleaver, and did the deed. Unfortunately, he didn't do it quite correctly, and the duck joined the ranks of the undead, running around the yard and spurting blood everywhere and traumatizing Little Kid Lucien. There was a pause after the story, and then he mentioned his chicken.

Because, back when he was still French but after the duck incident, his family had gone out to buy a chick in order to fatten it up and eat it at a later date. They did so, but as it turned out, the chicken was a rooster, and there was something wrong with its temporal perception, as it would crow somewhere around four in the morning. Every day. His mother came up one day and, of cousre, told him the rooster must go.

"All right."
"And you can do it."
"Nuh-uh."
"No, you go out there and kill the chicken."
"I will not kill the chicken. Remember my duck?"

The rooster kept crowing, so one day he went out there. With a shotgun.

They had chicken that night.

We still had a few minutes left in class, so Sofi raised her hand and promptly announced that she had heard of Mike, the Headless Chicken, who survived for two years with his head cut off. Goffard stared at her for a really, really long time, and finally dismissed us. He asked to speak to Sofi for a moment, and she hung back, only to be told: "Sometimes, I really worry about you."


Whee! Long stories! Good times!

#52. "Can I help him yet?"
This happened last year in Latin II during in-class translations. I forget what we were translating, but I think it was pre-Gallic Wars. Goffard selected Erich to decipher the first paragraph out loud, but Erich wasn't too enthusiastic about it. Magister appointed Mary as Erich's helper, saying that she could assist him when he messes up. Erich says the first two words, the wrong first two words, and is immediately interrupted by Mary saying, "Can I help him yet?" It was really funny and kind of pathetic. Yeah, that's all.

#6 Toga, Toga

Ethan, as per usual, was being a complete moron and wrote 'Toga, Toga' on the board and suggested we should have a toga party. Then, I think it was Abbey, Emily and I took all the different colored markers and "improved" on Ethan's handwriting, basically we made it as feminine as possible. Ethen then practically starts crying becuse we destroyed a dream of his (women dressed only in togas) and then we realized we'd damaged his brain when he started possing....in a toga.

I did a little update, and I also thought it would be fun to explain one of my favorites, #64: "NOOOO!"

Okay, so our first night at state, they had like this dinner buffet thing. Abbey, Erich, some Latin I (Latin II, now!) people, and I were sitting at the same table. Erich, was, amazingly, matching! and there was much rejoicing.

...Until he got Coke on his PVLC shirt. I said to him, "Erich, you stained your shirt!" He looked down, saw the stain, and yelled "Nooo!"

BUT THAT'S NOT THE END OF THE STORY.

Erich, apparently, still had some soda in his mouth, because it all came spilling out when he yelled and this made the stain about three times worse. Abbey and I were laughing uncontrollably. 'Twas beautiful.

Edit: It's a quickie and I still don't feel like doing my Euro homework, so...

#53: Croulke
The only story here is that they had premade nametags for us at state, and that was how the powers-that-be decided my last name is spelled. I swear...it said "Mary Croulke." If I recall correctly, somebody else had a really gimpy nametag, too.

I loved those nametags. The elastics were fun to thwack people (or one's own nose) with.

Couple of jokes from the competition today (during which, by the way, we kicked ass. Just thought I'd tell you all that.)

98. "Oh, score!"
Most of us were there when it happened; our Latin I team hadn't scored for the entirety of Certamen and were about to come out with a total point count of 0. I threatened them with bodily harm if they didn't manage to suceed, and they went all 'attentive' on their buzzers.
"Where did the rich Romans build their houses?"
*bzz*
"C-3?"
"The Palatine?"
And then the entire freaking club bursts out in applause. There was cheering, there was screaming, there was congratulating and hugging and crying and it was just like a really, really bad sports movie and HOLY CRAP! it was awesome.

99. "Moose spirit"
Everybody saw this one, but for those of you that can't figure out what I'm talking about, it was when our Advanced team scored our first ten points against Saint Stephens and not only did the entire half of the room erupt in a cheer, but you all did the moose antlers, and the Nazi lady actually got it!
She was also redundant about our lucky Coke bottles. But they weren't Vanilla Coke, so their power was not strong enough to help us beat Saint Stephens B.

100. "The Amazing Bone"
"What does this [cover] make you think of?"
*pause for a beat, then barely contained snickering giggle*
"Wait, wait, it gets better. Look-- Happy, happy, bright, cheery, butterfly, piggy, GUNS AND KNIVES!"

101. "Those aren't children's books..."
The shelf labeled 'Children's Fiction' contained 'The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe', a book of poetry with several if the titled 'beeped' out (it was a person's name, but it was hilarious), and a book that "not only expresses the author's love of Wyoming" -- you can do that wierd snickering giggle now -- "but also explores lonliness, manic violence, and the wrong kinds of love".
I am so glad I'm not kidding.

Anybody else remembers something, post! Because I'm almost certain I've forgotten stuff.

FYI : The first question on the Advanced Derivities was "Where would you find a saxifrigious plant?" I'll let you all think about that for a momemt...

((Answer: Saxum! Saxum!))

Number 112: proboscis
Mary has an eraser that's shaped like a cell phone. On the display, there's a little picture of what appears to be two animals. Josh said that one of them was an anteater, to which Mary replied that she had always thought it was a cat, as that was the general consensus. I commented that the animal was lacking the anteater proboscis. Josh and Mary became confused, asking me how I knew what an anteater proboscis looked like. Caroline pointed out that I didn't have to know exactly what it looked like, just that the nose of the 'cat' didn't quite come up to snuff. Eventually I called Mary and Josh mundane for not knowing what a proboscis was or what a proper one on an anteater looked like.
The end.

The Gaulkosaurus regina, long thought by archaeologists to be extinct, has made a significant comeback, with a known population of one. Based on bone strucutre, it was widely believed that this cretaceous-period creature was a carnivore and was rather inept at adapting to new environments, causing a rather short span of existence (roughly 79 years). But the G-regina seems to be quite successful in this new age, gathering shamelessly devoted nerds who do her biding for a form of undefined currency. Scientists fear extinction, however, due to the onslaught of vicious sandwiches.

accipiter-aquila, accipitri-aquilae (m.-f.) = hawk-eagle
alter ego = creepiness at competition
anas, anatis (f.) = duck
barri, barrorum (m. pl.) = elephants
diluo, diluere, dilui, dilutum = do puzzles (this is the closest match I could find, but it's wrong)
ferrum, ferri (n.) = iron, gladiators
gryps, grypis (m.) = Gross Venor (it actually means griffin)
inlecebrosus, inlecebrosa, inlecebrosum = attractive (THAT IS)
libramentum, libramenti (n.) = flatland (actually horizontal plane)
manipulus, manipuli (m.) = a company of infantry, a division of the Roman army
mox = soon, an Argonaut
nofriendo, nofriendere = have no friends, be infected with Thatcher
panis, panis (m.) = bread (companion)
pilum magicum, pili magici (n.) = magic spear
saxum, saxi (n.) = rock, member of PVLC
speramus, don't spearamus! = hope (this one wouldn't work, but yeah)
svek, svekis (f.) = princess
toga, togae (f.) = bedsheet

___________Acrostic poems are for noobs
______________But mine are all hard core
_______________I'll be a renowned 'poeta'
__________For my lovely little composition.

___________You doubt me? Oh no, no, no
_______________I am confident in myself
_________So you can go and tell yourself
That I'm more amazing than you'll ever be
________________Yup, I am pretty super.

Dude, Robyn, you weren't there. It was at the first competition, right when we were about to begin Certamen...like the Nazi lady had already READ THE RULES...and this Lakewood punk decides to spit out his gum. Not into a tissue. Not into a trash can. Into his SCRAP PAPER. It was totally disgusting. So I said, without thinking, "That's attractive," and Abbey was trying really hard not to laugh and the kid was kind of mortified. At state, Abbey managed to get a picture of him and gave it to me. FUNNIEST. PHOTO. EVER.

The Sunkist was our post-district celebration - Caroline brought in some Sunkist. One of them was fine, but the other had a funny taste to it. Somebody noticed that there was a promotion along the side of it for The Two Towers - which came out two years prior, and everybody knows that those promotionals are also released a month or so prior to the movies. There was half of it left (how we finished half, I'll never know), so we told Kasey to chug it.

He did. He didn't feel very good afterwards.


As for #36 (Erich's Girly Sounding Roommates), that was when Mary, Erich and I were all in our appartment - Erich was sitting just in the door frame, since co-ed apartment visitation wasn't allowed after dark. Mary was passing around her cell phone so we could call our folks - it eventually got to Erich, and Mary and I - being high on sugar and the spirit of Latin - were giggling insanely.

Erich's mom heard us and asked who his roommates were, since we sounded so feminine (well... Obviously). He said "Oh, just some people you don't know."

Good times, good times...

4/24/07 Thought For The Day:

Mary's TFTD: Sean Offer and eating Spagetti with a plastic fork is difficult.
Omri's TFTD: I like pie.
Griffin's TFTD: NO!
Matt's TFTD: Eh?
Chris' TFTD: YEEEEEAAAAAAH!
Mitchell's TFTD: I don't know. and Blue people are cold.
Taylor's TFTD: "I wore my colonial outfit today and uh I couldn't breathe."
Christ's TFTD: The recorder.
John's TFTD: *shrug*
Josh's TFTD: *random screamin the background*
Erich's TFTD: *Dropping a beat*

Mitchell quacks like a duck.