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Book I - Early years, the beginnings of the class, the founding of the club, the ‘stalwart warriors’ of the first generation of Latin clubbers, their inside jokes, their first tournaments, their defeat at the hands of Saint Stephens, the glory of Sean Offer.

Book II - The intervening years, the growth of the club, the Pine View Latin Club’s history of sorrows and victories, but in all, how the club prospered in joy under the guidance of the great Goffard, and the battle for the existence of AP Latin.

Book III - The final year, the story of the great AP Latin brigade, how they translated the Aeneid; the quiet diminishment of the Latin Club with the graduation of our finest soldiers, our last competition together, and our final feast.

Book I
Mentes doctoremque cano, qui venit ab oris
Galliorum altis Oceani arcem serpentis;
discipulis docuit navis hic linguam Romae.
Musa, indagem ab se pro cognitione, labores
latos, fortunas casusque, mihi memora iam.
Volvendis quinque annis, alcis laboravere
sub signo studuereque, pensis et documentis;
currerunt certaminibus, fudere et ibi hostes,
fusi sunt et ibi hostibus; arrisere inter se,
interdum coniurante ad vincendum circlum
Gallicum, interdum soccis parem esse cadente,
atqui habuerunt pro Sean Offer semper amorem.

Book I
I sing of a class and its teacher, who came from the shores
of France by the depths of the ocean to the citadel of the serpent,
at which he taught his scholarly students the language of Rome.
Muse, recall now to me their pursuit for knowledge,
the hardships they faced, and their fortunes and misfortunes.
Over the course of five turning years, they worked
and studied beneath the emblem of the moose, by tests and lessons;
they battled at tournaments, and there they laid low enemies,
and there were laid low by enemies; they smiled together,
sometimes from scheming to overthrow the French club,
sometimes from failing to match in socks,
nevertheless they always had love for Sean Offer.

Book I - Early years, the beginnings of the class, the founding of the club, the ‘stalwart warriors’ of the first generation of Latin clubbers, their inside jokes, their first tournaments, their defeat at the hands of Saint Stephens, the glory of Sean Offer.

I sing of a man and a club, of the great teacher
who came from the shores of France to the shores of Florida
and the great citadel of Pine View, and his scholarly class
which studied Latin. Muse, make me remember
the struggles to which they went in pursuit of knowledge,
their joys and their sorrows, their victories and defeats.
Over the course of five years, beneath the emblem
of the moose, they worked and studied, by quizzes
and translations; over five years, they competed in
tournaments, and there they laid low their enemies
and were laid low by their enemies; they laughed
together, sometimes scheming in jest to overthrow
the French Club, sometimes failing to match in socks,
and always adoring Sean Offer.

Mentes doctoremque cano, qui venit ab oris
Galliorum altis Oceani arcem serpentis;
discipulis docuit navis hic linguam Romae.

I sing of minds (metonymy for a class) and a teacher, who came from the shores
of the Galls (France) by means of the depths of the Ocean to the citadel of the serpent (because Pine View is untranslatable);
he there taught his diligent students the language of Rome.

Musa, indagem ab se pro cognitione, labores
latos, fortunas casusque, mihi memora iam.

Muse, the searching by them for knowledge,
the endured labors, the fortunes and misfortunes, recount to me now.

Muse, recount now to me their pursuit of knowledge,
the hardships they endured, their fortunes and misfortunes.

Volvendis quinque annis, alcis laboravere
sub signo studuereque, pensis et documentis;
currerunt certaminibus, fudere et ibi hostes,
fusi sunt et ibi hostibus; arrisere inter se,

Over the course of five turning years, they worked
and studied beneath the emblem of the moose, by tests and lessons;
they battled at tournaments, and there they laid low enemies,
and there were laid low by enemies; they smiled together,

interdum coniurante ad vincendum circlum
Gallicum, interdum soccis parem esse cadente,
atqui habuerunt pro Sean Offer semper amorem.

sometimes from scheming to overthrow
the French Club, sometimes from failing to match in socks,
nevertheless they always had love for Sean Offer.

I hope I'm good enough to send you some crazy-awesome model or something by the end of your school year; I'd love to contribute something a bit more tactile than a "I kind of helped a little with the poem maybe"...

a. I think that was the Mary-Josh-Sofi (yes? Sofi?) superteam that went against Saint Stephens, because the retard team never began screaming in pain, so...

c. Casey got kidnapped, we spat on the Gross Venor statue (from the nineteenth floor), we went on an epic search for the thirteenth floor, and the Disney woman changed shirts 19 times in twenty minutes.

Lesse... 'way back when', our first meeting, we were all jumping up and down waving a duck puppet in the air screaming "Anas! Anas!" We also sat in groups and studied, then realized that didn't work.

We threw grass at Richie. We also threw a paper plane at Richie and killed him.

During the first regional competition, that was when we all vowed to wear black shirts and blue jeans, and Erich walked up entirely clad in green.

We established a tendency to go to Applebees after competitions. Ethan ate fourteen doughnuts, too. That was pretty impressive.

We learned that Vanilla Coke has magical competition-winning properties, too, but it was only for Team Reject, who wasn't quite Team Retard at the time.

Well, Mr. Goffard came from the shores of Africa (Morocco),

but other then that, it's great.

I sing of a class and its teacher, who came from the shores
of France by the depths of the ocean to the citadel of the serpent,
at which he taught his scholarly students the language of Rome.
Muse, recall now to me their pursuit for knowledge,
the hardships they faced, and their fortunes and misfortunes.
Over the course of five turning years, they worked
and studied beneath the emblem of the moose, by tests and lessons;
they battled at tournaments, and there they laid low enemies,
and there were laid low by enemies; they smiled together,
sometimes from scheming to overthrow the French club,
sometimes from failing to match in socks,
nevertheless they always had love for Sean Offer.

It was in the second year of their studies that they formed
the team for competing; it was the Pine View Latin Club.
Under the leadership of the Great Goffard they joined
their first competition, at which they established
Saint Stephens’ school as their foremost enemy,
and they founded traditions, and created jokes which
could only be understood by each other.
Such a joyous undertaking it was, to create this fellowship!

Their epic match with Saint Stephens, truly marvelous
to speak of, ended tragically with their defeat,
although they only lost by a small margin. At the final round
of the certamen, the two teams were tied, each with ninety points.
The queenly Gaulkosaur spoke with her team in the time between
questions, and uttered these words:

“Truly we find ourselves matched! For the Great Goffard
and the glory of our club, we must not fail! Have heart,
brave companions: I have complete faith in you! And I will also
give a thousand Gaulkosaur points to whoever correctly answers
the next question, if that will spur you more to victory.” Her team,
with a new surge of courage, gripped their buzzers with their hands,
and prepared to press. The judge then spoke, and demanded
of the two teams, “What was the main source of gladiators in Rome?”

And the stalwart Erich pressed his buzzer instantly,
and Mary at once was assured of the victory of the Pine View Latin Club,
only to hear Erich speak the word: “Iron.”

As they left the certamen room, the stalwart Erich
did not hang his head in shame, but faced the heavens with his face
bearing an expression full of pride, for although the Pine View Latin Club
had not won the competition, they would have the memory
of that hilarious moment forever.

A small child, ignorant of the was of the Pine View Latin Club,
desirous of knowing the reason for which they acted so strangely,
approached Erich with this question: “Why do your teammates laugh
at you so? Is it because of your epic failure to match in socks?”

And the stalwart Erich laughed, and responded thusly:
“My teammates do not laugh at me, they laugh with me.”

The rabbit-maiden Sofi heard this and scoffed
with a grin on her face: “So he would have you believe!
In truth we laugh because he has no friends.”

And Erich thus: “My comrades are amused
by our exploits together. We have worked long and hard,
and our journey has not been without its rewards. To date,
we have created innumerable jokes which will no doubt sound
strange to your ears. Here, I shall regale you our tales!”

So Erich, without concern for the boredom of the child,
who intently chewed his bubble gum while feigning interest,
spoke at length. He recounted the occasion when the word “anas”
was chanted for no evident reason; he recounted how
Mary was trapped in an elevator with an infinite number of herself;
he recounted the club’s inexplicable obsession with syphilys
and rocks; and as he explained, and explained further,
and explained further still, he remembered that the award ceremony
for the competition would soon transpire, and knew
that if he were to tell the boy everything, he would speak
for an eternity. He tore himself away, and sat down in a seat,
and went to the stadium for the awards.

The stately judges called out the names of those who won,
and many awards were received by Pine View:
stalwart Erich, the queenly Gaulkosaur, the rabbit-maiden Sofi,
soulless Ethan, charismatic Casey, savior Christ,
the sisters Abbey and Robyn, and tireless Hillary;
all were recognized, and attained high ranks in their chosen contests.

The Great Goffard, brimming with pride, addressed
them after the concluion of the ceremony with these words:
“Congratulations discipuli et discipulalae! You have all done
very well, and I hope -- no, I am sure, that your accomplishments
here portend well for the future. Let us now celebrate.”

They sought out Applebees by many roads and many cars,
and Ethan filled himself with donuts.